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Low expectations mean high excitement at small success. This isn’t in reference to any particular difficulty facing trans women, though there are many; it is always helpful to lower your expectations. Ok Cupid, Match, or Tinder; it doesn’t really matter where, but you’ll need one. Brace yourself for the inevitable pre-hookup question or revelation about your body or identity. Remind her that you won’t be meeting any nice boys because you are a lesbian. Talk about anything but how you’ll probably never meet up, and if you do, there won’t be a second date. Take heed that many of your fellow women have taken exactly one women’s and gender studies course in college, and “know all about being transgendered.” (sic) Be prepared to hear girls talk about how they’re “not really feminists, because they like to have fun.” Feel free to shake your head and pour a drink.

Her advice is to run ‘…the long game…get to know the person, like each other’s company, and keep sex at bay…’ until the time is right for disclosure.(Hmmm, let’s see… Hone your ability to turn a conversation into a fun tête-à-tête. Assume that at any moment, they might sour, and you will need to disengage. When someone asks how you are doing, never mention the harassment, mis-gendering, or stress you’re going through. Don’t press anyone, and focus on enjoying yourself. Cool people are definitely not sweating horribly, right now, as they dance around the room, hoping for a match. or a giant snake.” At no point be seen unhinging your jaw to devour a goat. You will be elated in your heart that someone cares about you, and wants to kiss you… Gird your loins against the barbs flung at you and your partner. Embrace being a really hot lesbian with a super amazing girlfriend. Try to not be burned by them with every single uneducated, casual insult. It doesn’t matter if they actually care about you for who you are as a person, there are many who enjoy distilling you to your transgender history. Laugh to yourself at all the ridiculously sad people who would want to hurt you and your partner. I don’t see deep stealth as an option for me any longer.

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